Top 20 signs that you might be living an Internet lifestyle

  1. Love Connection: You and your spouse celebrate your anniversary by logging on to the chat room where you first met.

  2. Hyper-Hyperlinked: You have an incredible urge to click all underlined words when reading the newspaper.

  3. The New Agoraphobia: You haven’t been outside in days because you work at home, all your friends are on ICQ, you can order all your food online, you’ve just downloaded a copy of The Matrix, and you’re waiting for your eBay auction to end.

  4. To Market: Your dog’s website has an
    IPO.

  5. Ping-Pong Machine: The message on your telephone answering machine is something like, “Hi, you’ve reached the address of
    www.JoeSmith.net; please leave your IP address, and I’ll ping you as soon as I can.”

  6. The Writing’s on the Wall: All of your hand-written notes and letters are written in Graffiti hand-strokes.

  7. Do You Deliver?: You think nothing of spending 10 hours searching the Net for the perfect desktop icon, but going five steps down the street for food is too much bother.

  8. Parental Control: When your five-year-old daughter asks a question, you tell her to go “Ask
    Jeeves."

  9. World Untraveler: You have enough frequent flyer miles on your credit card to go around the world 11 times, but you haven’t left your apartment in two years.

  10. You’re Reading This: Even worse–you’re going to forward it to someone else.

  11. Wide Load: You have a double-wide office chair to accommodate your growing Internet-lifestyle behind.

  12. Is That Short for Dorothy?: You’ve legally changed your middle name to “dot,” as in
    John.Doe.

  13. Bag Haggle: Is that your messenger bag? I thought it was mine. No, that one’s mine. That’s his, I think. Is that mine? It’s mine. No, it’s yours…

  14. Moo-ving On Up: The homeless people in your neighborhood live in Gateway cow-print boxes.

  15. A Fashion Spectacle: Your clunky black plastic glasses are held together with a perky, animated paper clip.

  16. Why We Have Ten Fingers: The tattoos on your knuckles spell out “Born to Code.”

  17. Tech Talk: You use the phrase “dropped packets” to explain your state of mind, as in, “I’m dropping packets all over the place today.”

  18. Your Number’s Up: You’re petitioning the Post Office to change your street address to an IP address.

  19. Bow WOW!: Your TiVo is set to automatically notify you every time your favorite robot dog, the Sony Aibo, shows up on television. Best appearance? The Road Rules episode where Aibo is abducted from its Real World owners.

  20. Easy Come, Easy Go: You lost $ 22 million dollars last week–at least on paper.

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